Mindfulness Myths
First time here? Read my page about how to meditate first!
Here is a list of common myths or misunderstandings around mindfulness. Believing these myths can slow, confuse, or even stop your mindfulness practice. Learning the truth behind each one will make mindfulness meditation feel more obvious, smooth, and beneficial.
“Meditation is hard because I can’t quiet my mind”
This is likely the biggest and most harmful myth to believe about mindfulness (and yourself!). I’ll answer this in a few ways. First, mindfulness meditation does not require you to quiet your mind. Good thing, because trying to force your brain to produce fewer thoughts will literally just create more thoughts. Often people will sit to meditate and notice that they are thinking about other stuff than their breath, and feel like they’re messing up or failing at meditation
The truth is that having random thoughts during meditation is a good thing, and that you cannot and should not try to force your mind to not have any thoughts.
The entire practice of mindfulness meditation is to notice when your mind thinks of something, so therefore more thoughts means more “reps” of mindfulness! Remember, success in meditation is when you notice you’re distracted, so you’re bound to have a success every session, even if it’s at the end when the timer goes off!
After 10 years of mindfulness practice, my mind absolutely gets distracted and thinks of random things when I sit down to meditate
I feel joy and excitement when random thoughts comes up, because its a chance for me to notice and label them, and return to my breath. Each time I do this, it reinforces the “mindfulness muscle”
The paradox is that as you allow thoughts to come and go as you notice and label them, your mind will feel quieter and more grounded. This is because as you train your mind to see thoughts as just random appearances in consciousness, it will take a lot of their power away, which will reduce their intensity and frequency.
“I have to feel more calm and grounded after meditating. If I meditate and feel restless or anxious, it must not be for me or I must be messing up somewhere”
This can be tough, because we desire to feel more calm and grounded, and if we do something to feel better, like meditate, and it leads to the opposite result, then we will get frustrated and discouraged
It is true that sometimes a 5-10 minute meditation could make you feel a little restless, however this effect can be reduced through more practice and understanding.
For practice, just survive the 5-10 minute session and go on with your life. Do something else that usually makes you feel more calm afterwards if you need to. Sometimes a good meal, walk, conversation, or game can be all you need!
For deepening your understanding - remind yourself of these points:
The entire model of “mindfulness will always make me feel better” combined with the experience of “I didn’t quite feel better” is the reason you feel bad. Correct the model to “building a habit of mindfulness meditation will gradually make me feel better over the course of days, weeks, and months” and “it is okay and safe to feel a little restless or anxious”. If you sincerely believe these 2 quotes, then you will not be discouraged by feeling certain emotions at the end of your meditation.
Expecting to always feel a certain way after meditating is exactly the same as “I don’t go on walks / lift weights because I felt a little weak or sore the last time I did it”. Most readers will understand that exercise doesn’t always “feel good” in the moment, but it always helps us feel healthier and better even after just a few days or weeks of practice.
There’s really nothing wrong with feeling a little restless or anxious. These are not personal choices or moral failures of character, nor are they doomed signs of your future. They are just signals. It is entirely possible you’re a little restless because you haven’t slept, ate, or exercised enough today, and you’re projecting it onto something unfamiliar like your new meditation habit. Or, maybe meditation did bring up some slightly repressed stress which made you uncomfortable because you’d rather ignore that problem and be distracted. The medicine of meditation comes when you allow that stress to rise slightly, and welcome it with “it’s okay to feel this way”, and do what you can to soothe your mind and body afterwards. The transcendence of meditation comes after many repetitions of this where you intuitively and viscerally feel that “all of my stress and worries are safe and okay to bring up, and they will pass too”. This is the mechanism in which meditation can help heal trauma.
“If I practice mindfulness, I have to always focus on one thing and I should not have any distractions in my life”
This can be a common trap for people who are trying to reshape their lives and habits to become their best self. A good goal, but it can be a trap when we try to be perfect, especially if that perfection is misguided
The truth is that mindfulness is more about being equanimous (nonjudgmental) towards anything in your field of consciousness, rather than being hyper-focused. Focus is a very important aspect of meditation, but we should not expect ourselves to have pure hyper-focused inputs and zero distractions. This means that you can totally cook some dinner with some music in the background. Just welcome the sensations of cooking with the sounds of the music as equal appearances in your mind, along with the sensations of your body. You will still have random unrelated thoughts come up - just welcome those “ah, random thinking, now back to the music and food”
When you intentionally sit down to meditate, it is generally good to have a calm space you can sit or lie down in with few distractions. You can use this space to develop focus by focusing on your breath, and allow your mind to bring up what it wants to in this non-distracting environment. But if it’s some other time of day and you just want a little music or podcast to help you get through the day, go for it. Don’t be a purist. The end goal is not to become some stoic monk, but to meet all parts of your life with joy and nonjudgment, even if you’re scrolling with that show streaming in the background.
Overall, perfection will drive you away from any habit or activity. It is good and healthy to show up to mindfulness just as you are.
“If I just note my thoughts as ‘thinking’ and move back to my breath, am I just dissociating or suppressing my mind?”
Very understandably common to think this at first. Because it does feel like it, doesn’t it? If I have a lingering issue with work or family and I don’t address it when it comes up, isn’t that just repressing?
While it is possible to use meditation as an avoidance; sincere practice and continued learning will guide you in a direction of being able to remain effective and still deal and solve problems in your life
What’s important to remember here is that when you sit down to focus on your breath for 10 minutes, you are giving yourself permission during that 10 minutes to not have to worry or problem solve or think too hard about anything. You are telling yourself “it’s okay to let that go for 10 minutes, I trust that the thoughts will be there for me afterwards and I will be able to deal with them how I want”
Remember, you can be as crazy or as neurotic as you want after your meditation timer goes off. Just give yourself 5-10 minutes a day to have a break!
To remedy the “pushing away” feeling of mindfulness meditation, you can balance it with a few complimentary practices
Take another 5-10 minutes to journal about whatever is on your mind.
Take a short walk or exercise while processing and problem solving in your head
Talk to a friend
Go to therapy
Before getting up from your meditation session, just let go of any effort to label thoughts or focus on your breath. Just let whatever comes up, come up!
Balancing your life between contemplative/introspective practices and mindfulness noting, then you will gradually move your mind in a direction of problem solving when its important, and also just enjoying the moment when you don’t need to problem solve.